Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
