Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
