I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
