In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
