I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's get the cat blown out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
