she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
