please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
