the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
