i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
