Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
