the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
