pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
