So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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