moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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