Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
