Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize