then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
