But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
