dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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