He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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