I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
