Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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