We need to rekindle our bromance
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
send nudes
from the living room?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
