I think I died a long time ago.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
