I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
