I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
