Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
