guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
