This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
