I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
