Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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