Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
