i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
