**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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