I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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