Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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