I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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