careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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