So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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