I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
