dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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