Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
my liver is dry heaving
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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