yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
