i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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