i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
