Im at strip club and am horny
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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