Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
