the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
