You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We talked him into tasing himself.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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