Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
