the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
