If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
